Still here

I have been living with metastatic breast cancer for almost a year and a half. Since December 24, 2014, I have sat in the chemo chair 35 times. I have a regular spot in the chemo room. I know all my nurses and they know me. They ask after my family. They remind me if I forget something or if I deviate from my regular routine. I am grateful for the care my doctors and nurses give me. I feel valued and loved.

However, there is life outside of the chemo chair!! I am working, travelling and doing everyday stuff. Luckily I feel quite well so I try to do as much as I can and make the most of my days. Susan Anthony, a woman I know who is also living with metastatic breast cancer said, “I kind of feel like I’m living in dog years. I have to pack more life into every day and not waste a day. You understand that life is precious so I try and make the best of it.” That is how I feel. There is not a minute to waste. 

I have many supports in my life, especially my husband, my children, my mom, my sisters, my cousin and my friends. My book club and I went away for the weekend to a spa resort where we spent time together drinking wine, talking, laughing and hanging in our pajamas. We had read a book some time ago called Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish. The storyline is that a group of friends goes on a road trip to celebrate the life of a woman they love, but they go on this trip after the woman had passed. We all thought that the trip would have been better if they had gone on the trip before the friend died. When I got sick, the idea was hatched that our book club would go on our own trip while I'm still well. Celebrate the moment; that's what we did. Love every day.  

Cancerversary - It's been two years

Two years ago today I found out I had breast cancer. I woke up this morning wondering why I would want to remember such a terrible day. I wish I could celebrate the day I was cured of cancer, but the problem is, I don't know that I am cured. No one will say I'm cured for another three years. For now, I will celebrate the day of my diagnosis, because on that day, my treatment began. Once the diagnosis was confirmed, steps could be taken to get rid of the cancer. November 11, 2008 is the day I knew for sure what was wrong. I began to be aware of my health, and specifically, of cancer.

Knowledge and awareness are the first steps in tackling a problem. A cure, a fix will come later. Today I celebrate knowledge, and I am reassured that it saved my life. Ignorance would have been nice, for awhile, until death. Knowing my diagnosis sent me down the right path, the one to life. 

It has been a very challenging two years. My thanks to my family, friends, and my to health professionals for all your support, time, caring, and patience. In trying to think of other ways to say "thank you", I thought of, "You make my life so much easier". I'll just shorten that to, "You make my life".   

I've been busy being OK

It's October already. It's not even the beginning of October, but the middle. It's almost Halloween. I've actually seen some Christmas lights in the neighbourhood. My summer was fantastic, after all the surgeries, I guess anything would classify as fantastic. We did lots of camping, of course, and then came September.

We all started back at school this year, me included. I always felt left out when everyone got new pencils and notebooks, so I decided to take a course. I registered for the School and Community Support Worker Program in March, and I am loving it. There's a lot of work involved - lots of reading and essays. That's why I am writing in the blog now. It's because I have three assignments due, and I love to procrastinate. The last time I was in University, I baked when I was avoiding work. Now I play the piano. I've actually become quite good!

It's a two year program, part-time, and most of the courses are in the evening. There are two practicums; one is community-based, and the other is school-based. I've signed up with a residential drug treatment facility for January, and I'm really looking forward to the experience. I am so happy to finally be doing something with my life. Of course I'm glad that I have a life to do something with. I feel well and it feels good to be on the path of normalcy.

I've still got another surgery in January to replace my tissue expander and put in a permanent implant. Apparently, it's a fairly simple procedure. After that, a nip and tuck to equalize things, and I should be ready to party. Other news to make me smile is I have had my last appointment with my cardiologist. I was seeing him for two reasons, one is that my heart function became impaired during my chemo treatment, and the other reason was for an irregular heart beat. This bigeminy (the heart alternates a regular beat with a premature beat) was discovered during my partial mastectomy, back in November 2008. It hasn't caused me any concern, and the belief was that it would be with me for the rest of my life. Not so. My function is back and my heart beats the way it should. I've got a regular ticker now. Picture me with more grey hair, 20 pounds overweight, still lopsided up top, but normal, good, in fact - great. 

It's coming up to my two-year cancerversary  (November 11), and I'm very thankful for every day I have. Our family just participated in the Run For the Cure at the beginning of October, and we shared a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner with Wanda and her family. These are beautiful days.

Let's store 2009 on a shelf, far to the back.

I'm glad most of my bad stuff happened in one year. It's so much easier to contain that way. Years from now, when I'm old and grey, I can look back on the years and say, "Remember 2009? That was the year Cancer and I hung together. I met his pals Chem O. Therapy and Radi Ation. That was the year my Dad died. That was the year I had a mastectomy. Et cetera, et cetera..." I won't confuse 2009 with any other year. For example I will remember that 1971 is when I became a big sister, 1980 is when I got my driver's lisence, 1982 is when I graduated high school, 1989 is when I met Norm, and 1995 is the year Norm and I married. The years 1996, 1997, 1999, and 2001 are highlighted with the birth of our children. We moved to Nanaimo in 2001. All good things, all good years. I'll hang on to 2009 because I can't get rid of it. After all, who would want it? I'm not regifting that baby. Just stick it on a shelf and cover it with dust bunnies.

Christmas is coming

This past weekend, the family got in the Christmas spirit with two of our favourite annual events. On Saturday, we headed south to Victoria to watch the skating club perform in an old-fashioned outdoor rink. We appreciated it even more this year, since last year the whole thing was cancelled because of a snow storm. This year, the weather cooperated, and we were able to enjoy the ice show and a walk around Buchart Gardens. The gardens have changed a lot since my sister and I first visited them 20 years ago. In those days, the world famous Buchart Gardens hung a few strands of tinsel and a couple lights on a plant or two, and announced it as their new Winter display. Now, it is beautiful. Everything is decorated in a "Twelve Days of Christmas" theme - all 22ha (55 acres) of the park. The whole place was a wonder. The prettiest sight however was Buchart Cove, partially covered in ice.

Buchart Cove

Kanon and Lucas

Lisa, Victoria, Evelynne, Norm

On Sunday evening, we drove north, to Parksville. There, in a Baptist Church, we enjoyed a replica of a Bethlehem marketplace, 2000 years ago. We tried "camel-spit" buns, beverages from the "He-Brews coffee shop, honey, and olives. The children learned hot to write their names in Hebrew, and watched a lady weave a mat. Norm and I were invited to join a improvisation of the reading of the Psalms of David. I played the tambourine, Norm played the sticks, and we had harp and a drum too. The best part, though, was when the kids were arrested by the Roman soldiers and put in the stockade.

We had a great weekend. Now the snow has started to fall. Christmas is on its way.

The healing trip

Our family was camping from July 4 to August 9.We had no electricity, no showers, and no cell phone service. We had to hand pump our water, drive an hour to town to the laundromat, and the only toilet was an outhouse. While we were there, there was an intense electrical storm, a forest fire and a heat wave. It was the exactly the holiday I needed. I had a wonderful time. During the week, it was just the girls and I. We read, swam, played board games, and walked. The girls played in the woods and on the beach. We had many visitors who camped with us and had fun hanging out with them. On the weekends, Norm and Lucas came up, and we took the boat out.

It was the holiday I had been dreaming about throughout the spring. While I sat in the chemo chair, I pictured myself on the beach at Buttle Lake, reading my book. A lot of things have gotten me this far: the support of my family and friends and the excellent medical care being the main things. However, a positive frame of mind and a faith in God has to play into the healing. I have maintained a good outlook thus far, not because of any conscious effort, but simply because there is no other sensible way to think. I am grateful that I have cancer in 2009 and not in 1989. I so lucky that when Norm lost his job last May that he was able to find a job here instead of us having to relocate.

Over the five weeks we were there, six families camped with us. No one's visit overlapped with anyone else. We had time in between to hang out alone. Linda and Dave took great care of us while we were there. My Mom stayed at the house with Lucas so he could skate. The Gardner's took in my boy when my Mom went home. My wonderful husband made it all possible. He worked while we played, and he drove 2 hours every weekend to see us. Thank you to all of you who gave me the gifts of peace, enjoyment, and friendship this summer.

5th treatment

Tuesday, April 14

I know I should have posted this before, but life got in the way of writing. The week in question was a busy week. Rosalie had an MRI scheduled for her knee the same time I was scheduled for my blood work. Wanda, my second self,and personal escort came along to make sure Rosalie got in for her MRI on time. As soon as I was finished, I rushed up to the imaging department to fine Rosalie. Shortly after I arrived, she was called to get changed.

She was not impressed with the giant baggy pants. They are one size fits all, made to accommodate the largest man. She is 9 year old girl who is very sensitive to how her clothes fit and feel. I could sense disaster coming, but Wanda was able to cheer her up and make her feel OK. Off we toddled to the big fancy room. I thought that I had had an MRI before, so I did not explain it correctly to Rosalie.


She had to lay on the table perfectly still. Check. She could pick a radio station to listen to with big comfy headphones. Check. The machine will make a very loud banging noise. EEhh - not good. Wanda and I received ear plugs and the noise was disconcerting to me. Rosalie did all all right at the beginning of the first 5-minute session, but she was getting uncomfortable towards the end. I couldn't hear her, but she was mouthing "how much longer?". The technician came in and helped her calm down, and gave her a face cloth with which to cover her eyes. After that, she was much more calm and did manage the next two sessions fine. It helped that she was imagining the machine as a giant doughnut.

That part off the day being over with, we went downstairs for my pre-chemo appointment with Dr. Dunne. The complaints from the last session were reviewed and then we were released. When I got home, I received a call from Dr. Cameron's office (Rosalie's orthopedic surgeon) asking for her to come to his office the next day. She mentioned the word, "urgent". After some give and take with her, I was able to get an appointment at 8:30 am, right before chemo.

Wedensday, April 15

Why did she say the appointment was urgent? I have learned to hate that word. No worries, though. The doctor saw her, went over her MRI results, and everything checked out. She has a lot of fluid on the knee, a bruised bone, and torn cartilage. Since she's young, she should heal without any medical intervention. He even gave the OK for her to join the Track and Field club. What a relief that she will be fine. Thank you, God.

The next day was chemo and Evelynne joined me for this one. She and I played "Apples to Apples" with a volunteer. What a good game! We had the junior version, but there is an adult version and it meant for 4 - 10 players - perfect for our entire family and parties. We also played "Snakes and Ladders 3-D" - very fun! The volunteer really took to Evelynne and offered her every snack available. She had cheese and crackers, a Popsicle, juice, and ice cream. All in all, it was a pleasant way to spend time.

Saturday April 18

A weekend of skating, in Port Alberni this time. Lucas skated in his singles event, in a new level this time and placed second. Just he and I went for the drive, so that was nice. We stopped for a giant ice cream cone and went to the waterfront. Port Alberni is in the centre of Vancouver Island, 50 kms from the east coast and 95 kms from the west coast, but is on an ocean inlet that flows all the way to the open Pacific on the west coast. It's a beautiful spot, nestled in the mountains.

I decided to skip the cone, but Lucas enjoyed his!

My son and I

The team - Kanon and Lucas

Korin, Lucas, Yuzuki, and Kanon

"I hate getting pictures taken, Mom. Will you please hurry", although I don't think he said the "please".

Sunday April 19

The whole family drove up the next day for the 8:00 am pairs event. Lucas had to be there by 7:00 am, which meant we had to leave by 6:00 am. You can imagine what it's like getting 4 kids out of bed at 5:30, to be on the road by 6:00 am. Not easy. They snacked on the road, and we got there in plenty of time. They skated really well, and received the gold medal. I love watching them skate.

Now you will remember that I had chemo on Wednesday. Day 5 always seems to be the start of my troubles. Guess what day Sunday was? By the time the kids skated, the results were posted, had the medal presentation, I was famished and beginning to get kind of shaky. We drove off in search of food, and I felt a bit better after that, but was starting to get very tired. I slept some on the way home, ate lunch once we got home, then climbed right into bed. I thought I would have a little nap, but slept the afternoon away. I could not open my eyes, nor could I move out of bed even if I had wanted too. It wasn't a feeling of being tired, more like completely drained of every energy cell. It's a strange feeling. It lasted most of the way through Monday as well. I got out of bed to do errands with Norm, but stayed in the car most of the time. I was up and at 'em by Wednesday, and saw Dr Carr on Thursday (those details are in the previous post).

Sunday April 26

Victoria had a soccer tournament on Salt Spring Island this last weekend. Norm took her for the Saturday games, and the family plus Grandma came on Sunday. She played so well! What a tough girl. Victoria really took a beating on Saturday, doing a crash onto her shoulder and getting kicked in the shin. She can get up from a fall faster than anyone I know and is able to beat the person who caused the fall to the ball. Their team was playing up a year, so all these girls had already hit their growth spurt. Vitoria has not - she is small for 11. A lot of girls from the other team are already 13 and very big. That did not matter to my small, quick daughter. Her team played two games on Sunday morning and we were able to explore the Salt Spring fro the afternoon. Another gorgeous place, but expensive. At the farmer's market, someone was asking $18 for a loaf of lemon poppy seed bread. Crazy. It's an island populated by both hippies and the wealthy. Since we don't fall into either of those categories, we will visit again, but could never live there. 18 bucks for a loaf of bread- can you imagine the house prices? We walked along the waterfront, near Ganges, and vowed to come back with our boat to tour through the Gulf Islands. It's a beautiful area. Here's a link if you want to see what I'm talking about: http://maps.google.com/maps?t=h&hl=en&ie=UTF8&ll=48.862633,-123.49288&spn=0.039356,0.111237&z=14

And some pictures:

On the ferry, heading toward Vesuvius, Salt Spring.

Looking East from Ganges Harbour

Monday, April 27

A very nice weekend, and back to business on Monday. Victoria felt that she didn't get enough exercise over the weekend, so she and a friend, along with Norm and Rosalie, rode their bikes to school, a distance o about 7 km. They also rode back the long way, another 12 kms, then she had soccer practice that evening. By then, she was tired.

Tuesday April 28

I had my mammogram yesterday. They did both breasts, and next week, I will have an ultrasound only of my unaffected breast - the left one. I have a bad feeling about the mammogram. I peaked over to the screen and I swear I saw a lump. The images of both breast were up, so I don't know what I was looking at. The technician asked me a couple questions that made me think, uh, what's up now. Maybe it's just scar tissue, I don't know, but I'm not going to get all crazy about it yet. Dr. Carr will phone if there's anything, and so far the phone has not rung. My ultrasound is next Thursday, so all will be revealed by then. In the meantime, I am going to see the cardiologist in Victoria today for him to go over the previous tests I had on the 26th of March. I am looking forward to a nice drive with Wanda, and a visit with Joelle and Claire.

That's all for now. Cheerio.

Love that sun screen smell!

I applied sun screen to the kids and myself this morning. We actually need it now. I love the smell. I love the weather. It's 11°C (58°F for you southerners), clear, and sunny, and should go up to 17°C later this afternoon. The sun makes everything feel so much lighter. I cleaned my mirrors today - I love the smell of Windex, too. I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection. No matter that I look like a cross between a Chia Pet and a Holocaust survivor - it's still a sunny day.

I'm still on a high from the wonderful day I had yesterday. Mondays always have good potential because Norm has Mondays off. Nothing better than a Tim Horton's coffee with your husband to seal the goodness in a day. After doing a few errands in the morning, we met Rosalie at school to sit with her for recess and lunch. She is grounded because of a behaviour issue in English class last week, so I have been sitting with her dduring lunch. I figured a bit of sun would do her some good, too. We picked her up from school and dashed to the beach for a picnic. Rosalie spent her lunch break throwing rocks in the ocean with her Dad. What could be better than that?



After lunch, I went to the hospital to get my PICC line looked at (again). I think I've been to the hospital for that darn thing at least every other day for the past two weeks. It's been bleeding at the site, and last week the nurse was not able to get any blood back out of the plug at the end. That meant a trip to ER then to radiology for the doctor to insert dye into the line to see if it in fact is still working. Everything checked out, but it was a very long morning. Anyway, yesterday I had an appointment for a "cathflo" procedure. That is done to declot the PICC. I sat in a chair at Medical Daycare for an hour or so while the stuff sat in my line, and voilà - it worked. The PICC is doing its thing once again. If you're counting - that's "#3 very good thing" of the day.

When the kids came home after school, we walked down to the beach for a look-see. We have been so starved for a sunny day that we just can't get enough sun at this point. We saw a couple seals in the water while we were playing on the rocks. Hershey is beecoming a circus dog - he found a log that stretched between two rock outcroppings and kept going back and forth. He fell in the water a couple times - hilarious. After about an hour, we went home for supper. While we were eating, the neighbour called and told us that her friend, who lives up-island, saw some killer whales from her window. She figured they would be going by our house in about 20 minutes. We gobbled our dinner and ran back to the beach. From shore, we could see 3 whales playing in the water - beautiful. Still hoping to see some sea lions, we walked to another beach where we could hear them barking away. As we stood on the rocks, we saw four of them right close to shore. What a day.

what a gorgeous sunset

Can you see those two heads in the water? Those are a couple of Stellar Sea Lions.

Rosalie and Evelynne had a nice "conversation" with the sea lions.

With a day like that, it will be easier to take the edge off all the other stuff that's going on. Did I mention that Norm's mill (a specialty plywood mill) is going to half production? With the poor state of the lumber industry and the economy in general, his mill is finally being hit. They have lasted longer than most mills, but can't continue any longer. A vote is being put to all the workers to see if they will accept a "work-sharing" plan. Every single worker has to agree to this plan, or there will be lay-offs. Unfortunately, Norm is in the 60% who could stand to lose his job. The other day, Wanda asked me if I ever think that enough is enough and want to shout "STOP". At the time, I said, "no". I don't think that. I would like a break, but otherwise, I can handle the cancer, the bad heart, and the children's behaviour problems. I've got my family, my faith, and my friends and I can handle it, baby. That was before the job thing came up. Now I would like to announce that enough is enough. I think my character has improved sufficiently that I do not need any more challenges.

I will continue to sing that song, even when it's raining. I stockpiled quite a few very good things to last me quite awhile.

I Can See Clearly

Now I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day

Oh yes I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day