Still here

I have been living with metastatic breast cancer for almost a year and a half. Since December 24, 2014, I have sat in the chemo chair 35 times. I have a regular spot in the chemo room. I know all my nurses and they know me. They ask after my family. They remind me if I forget something or if I deviate from my regular routine. I am grateful for the care my doctors and nurses give me. I feel valued and loved.

However, there is life outside of the chemo chair!! I am working, travelling and doing everyday stuff. Luckily I feel quite well so I try to do as much as I can and make the most of my days. Susan Anthony, a woman I know who is also living with metastatic breast cancer said, “I kind of feel like I’m living in dog years. I have to pack more life into every day and not waste a day. You understand that life is precious so I try and make the best of it.” That is how I feel. There is not a minute to waste. 

I have many supports in my life, especially my husband, my children, my mom, my sisters, my cousin and my friends. My book club and I went away for the weekend to a spa resort where we spent time together drinking wine, talking, laughing and hanging in our pajamas. We had read a book some time ago called Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish. The storyline is that a group of friends goes on a road trip to celebrate the life of a woman they love, but they go on this trip after the woman had passed. We all thought that the trip would have been better if they had gone on the trip before the friend died. When I got sick, the idea was hatched that our book club would go on our own trip while I'm still well. Celebrate the moment; that's what we did. Love every day.  

Into the ring again

By now, most of you know that my cancer has returned; it has spread to some lymph nodes in my chest wall and collarbone, and into my lungs. All this news came in bits and pieces, and was a complete shock to me.

I had that dreaded, "It's cancer" conversation with my surgeon on December 2, 2014, while I was at work. I had seen Dr Carr the week before to follow up on a suspicious lymph node above my left collar bone. The node was first discovered in June at an oncologist appointment. This was supposed to be a routine appointment, and so it was, until he found an enlarged lymph node. He wondered about it, but then quickly wrote it off as nothing to be concerned about. I pressed him for further testing, which he did. I was referred back to my family doctor, who sent me for an ultrasound. At every step, I was told that everything checked out fine. I had nothing to worry about. To follow up, I was to see my GP in 3 months, and she would send me to the surgeon for assessment if the lymph node was still enlarged. It was a bit bigger than it had been in the summer, so off I went to see Dr. Carr on November 26. He did a needle biopsy and called me with the results the day before I left for my trip to Montreal with Lucas.

That was a hard bit of news to swallow! I was orienting at at new unit that day, so I didn't know anyone very well. Someone asked me how I was doing and I passed off my glazed look as being tired. I went for a lunch break and then I called Norm. I told him my news, but decided I wouldn't say anything to anyone else until I got back from my Montreal trip. I wanted to have a fun time away without every conversation being about cancer. I especially didn't want Lucas to worry about me when he was supposed to concentrate on competing. 

The trip was great. Peggy met us there and we toured around Montreal. We even made it to Québec city. Lucas and Sarah had a good experience at the Skate Canada Challenge and will compete again in Kingston at the Nationals! I'm so glad I kept quiet about my problems. 

I arrived home on Tuesday, December 9 and had my biopsy on the 10th. At this point, I was hoping for a lymphoma diagnosis, not a breast cancer recurrence. Apparently, that would have been easier to treat. I also had a CT scan on Friday the 10th. That was to see if the cancer was anywhere else. Of course, I was hoping that it was just in the one lymph node. No. I found out that there were multiple nodes affected, as well as a 3.5 cm tumour on my chest wall, and at least 14 spots on my lungs. Oh, and it wasn't lymphoma. It was definitely recurrent breast cancer with metastases in the lung. Crap. Very big pile of crap. 

I saw my oncologist, who happened to be my old oncologist from my first time with cancer. She's a very proper older lady who wears skirts and Oxford shoes. She retired sometime after I saw her in 2009, and now is back for a locum. She looks just the same but now she's wearing Skechers. She set me up for chemotherapy to start promptly on Christmas Eve. Surgery won't be of use now because of the extent of the tumours. The plan is for chemo to work its magic, and then have a CT scan in a few months to assess the progress.

Chemo is going pretty well. I've had three sessions so far with minimal side effects. The only bothersome symptom is a bit of tummy trouble. The first three sessions were in Victoria, a two hour drive from home. Now that they have room for me in Nanaimo, I'll have my sessions at the hospital there, starting this Thursday. 

I will end this post on a positive note:

1. My bone scan came back clear,

2. I kept my hair for 3 and a half weeks after my first treatment. I noticed a few strands of hair on my shirt this morning, 

3. I'm still working, and I am so thankful for that. I love my job and I especially love my coworkers, 

4. Norm is coming home more often, and will be home this Friday,

5. I have fantastic, caring children. 

The very last chemo treatment and beyond

May 6, 2009

My last treatment - at last! Everything went off without a hitch. Norm and all the kids came for this one, but Wanda couldn't come because she was working. Since there were so many of us, I was put in a little room. I enjoy it much better being out in the main room with everyone, and it felt kind of anti-climactic this time, but whatever - I'm done.

Playing cards to pass the time. They may be smiling, but that little room was a bit too confining for them. Norm had to take them for a walk shortly after the pic was taken.

This pic was taken 4 days after treatment, in celebration of being finished. What could be better than cream soda floats?

The first couple weeks after treatment when as they always do. Tired, and stomach troubles. The side effects lasted longer than normal, but I kept telling myself that I will never have to feel like this again. That made it much easier.

May 26

Norm and I went to Victoria to meet with the radiation oncologist, Dr Truong. What a pleasant lady. She was soft-spoken and kind. She went over my pathology report, which I know by heart now, and explained why I still need to have surgery. While the stage is low (1), the grade is high (3 - the highest). That mean that when the tumour was seen under the microscope, those little bug**** were dividing very rapidly, enough to cause worry. They will spread, hence surgery. If the margins are clear today, I will not need radiation, so that's is what I am praying for.

June 3

I saw Dr. Higginson for another checkup on the old ticker. I had had another MUGA the week before, and everything looks great. He told me that my heart is functioning normally. Of course it still has the PVCs - an extra beat every time. It's quite a pleasing rhythm - bu-bump bump - and he said not to worry about it. I have no symptoms and it will not cause me harm, He'll see me in three months and then the plan will be to take me off the medication.

The best part of this day was the fun I had with my sidekick. Wanda could not come along, so Evelynne was the lucky one. She got to miss school and drive to Victoria with Mommy. I told her that it would be a long drive and a boring wait at the doctor's office (he's always late), but she really wanted to come. We weren't in the car one hour before she asked that awful question, "are we there yet?". Another hour to go, and lots of traffic, but she sang and was pretty good. After the visit with the doctor, we went shopping to a mastectomy store. I explained to Evelynne the kind of store it was and that she could not go "eww" or "yuck". We drove a short way from the hospital to the corner where the store was supposed to be, but couldn't find it. We walked and walked in the scorching heat. It was 34 that day (93 for you Americans) and we were cooking. Finally, I called the store and was given proper directions, eight blocks away from where I parked, no thanks to the online map! Sweating, we arrived in a little store full of bras and breast forms. The shop owner kindly cranked up the AC, and I settled in to try on some bras. I have to be honest; I hate spending money on bras. I would rather purchase pig manure than a bra. My own every day bra is a flimsy grey thing from Wal Mart with a deteriorating bit of elastic on the side. Now I am considering spending $400 on a breast form and at least $70 on a bra - for only one boob. Oh my goodness. I think I will skip the form; after all, I will be getting reconstruction in the fall. The hospital will provide me with a little "fluffy" I can use in the meantime, and I'll just get the bra. Evelynne, in the meantime, is having a hoot. he put the fluffy forms to good used, and stuffed them up her top. Looking very cute, she paraded around the store. I called her back at one point, then had to look for her. She was in the back storage room, and had found a box of silicon forms. "They are sooo gushy, I love them. Please buy one of these Mom. Can I have it when you're done with it?" Whose child is this? For those of you who know Evelynne, she really doesn't say anything to anyone she doesn't know. Now she's walking around a store, with cleavage, feeling the plastics breasts. Crazy.

June 6 - 10

Evelynne's birthday party was on the 6th, and Monday and Tuesday I spent cleaning house. All of a sudden, I have all this extra energy. I didn't know I was low on energy before, but I guess I was. Anyway, I have a clean house now, so I can come home from the hospital and rest.

June 11

I have to be at the hospital at 2:00 this afternoon. The surgery is at 3:35. It will take an hour and a half, and then two - three hours in recovery. Norm has taken the day off, so he'll take me to the hospital, along with Wanda. After school, the kids will go to Wanda's house for a swim in the pool, then supper. Norm will bring them to the hospital around 7:00 to see me. I'll be in until Saturday or Sunday. Monday, Mom is coming over for a week and Julie will be coming on Saturday. I've got lots of meals in the freezer, and goodies too. Last night when I came home from a parent's meeting, my fellow Girl Guide leaders stopped by to bring me a load of food. The stuff did not just come from people I know, but from all the ladies in the district, some of whom I have not yet met. Amazing. Thanks gals.

I'm feeling pretty good right now, I've got my new bra, a clean house, food in the freezer, and a book to read (The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova). The only thing I'm miffed about now is that I haven't been able to eat anything since last night at midnight. Ah, it's torture to think of all those Girl Guide goodies in the freezer. By this time tomorrow, I will have conquered another hill of my roller coaster.

5th treatment

Tuesday, April 14

I know I should have posted this before, but life got in the way of writing. The week in question was a busy week. Rosalie had an MRI scheduled for her knee the same time I was scheduled for my blood work. Wanda, my second self,and personal escort came along to make sure Rosalie got in for her MRI on time. As soon as I was finished, I rushed up to the imaging department to fine Rosalie. Shortly after I arrived, she was called to get changed.

She was not impressed with the giant baggy pants. They are one size fits all, made to accommodate the largest man. She is 9 year old girl who is very sensitive to how her clothes fit and feel. I could sense disaster coming, but Wanda was able to cheer her up and make her feel OK. Off we toddled to the big fancy room. I thought that I had had an MRI before, so I did not explain it correctly to Rosalie.


She had to lay on the table perfectly still. Check. She could pick a radio station to listen to with big comfy headphones. Check. The machine will make a very loud banging noise. EEhh - not good. Wanda and I received ear plugs and the noise was disconcerting to me. Rosalie did all all right at the beginning of the first 5-minute session, but she was getting uncomfortable towards the end. I couldn't hear her, but she was mouthing "how much longer?". The technician came in and helped her calm down, and gave her a face cloth with which to cover her eyes. After that, she was much more calm and did manage the next two sessions fine. It helped that she was imagining the machine as a giant doughnut.

That part off the day being over with, we went downstairs for my pre-chemo appointment with Dr. Dunne. The complaints from the last session were reviewed and then we were released. When I got home, I received a call from Dr. Cameron's office (Rosalie's orthopedic surgeon) asking for her to come to his office the next day. She mentioned the word, "urgent". After some give and take with her, I was able to get an appointment at 8:30 am, right before chemo.

Wedensday, April 15

Why did she say the appointment was urgent? I have learned to hate that word. No worries, though. The doctor saw her, went over her MRI results, and everything checked out. She has a lot of fluid on the knee, a bruised bone, and torn cartilage. Since she's young, she should heal without any medical intervention. He even gave the OK for her to join the Track and Field club. What a relief that she will be fine. Thank you, God.

The next day was chemo and Evelynne joined me for this one. She and I played "Apples to Apples" with a volunteer. What a good game! We had the junior version, but there is an adult version and it meant for 4 - 10 players - perfect for our entire family and parties. We also played "Snakes and Ladders 3-D" - very fun! The volunteer really took to Evelynne and offered her every snack available. She had cheese and crackers, a Popsicle, juice, and ice cream. All in all, it was a pleasant way to spend time.

Saturday April 18

A weekend of skating, in Port Alberni this time. Lucas skated in his singles event, in a new level this time and placed second. Just he and I went for the drive, so that was nice. We stopped for a giant ice cream cone and went to the waterfront. Port Alberni is in the centre of Vancouver Island, 50 kms from the east coast and 95 kms from the west coast, but is on an ocean inlet that flows all the way to the open Pacific on the west coast. It's a beautiful spot, nestled in the mountains.

I decided to skip the cone, but Lucas enjoyed his!

My son and I

The team - Kanon and Lucas

Korin, Lucas, Yuzuki, and Kanon

"I hate getting pictures taken, Mom. Will you please hurry", although I don't think he said the "please".

Sunday April 19

The whole family drove up the next day for the 8:00 am pairs event. Lucas had to be there by 7:00 am, which meant we had to leave by 6:00 am. You can imagine what it's like getting 4 kids out of bed at 5:30, to be on the road by 6:00 am. Not easy. They snacked on the road, and we got there in plenty of time. They skated really well, and received the gold medal. I love watching them skate.

Now you will remember that I had chemo on Wednesday. Day 5 always seems to be the start of my troubles. Guess what day Sunday was? By the time the kids skated, the results were posted, had the medal presentation, I was famished and beginning to get kind of shaky. We drove off in search of food, and I felt a bit better after that, but was starting to get very tired. I slept some on the way home, ate lunch once we got home, then climbed right into bed. I thought I would have a little nap, but slept the afternoon away. I could not open my eyes, nor could I move out of bed even if I had wanted too. It wasn't a feeling of being tired, more like completely drained of every energy cell. It's a strange feeling. It lasted most of the way through Monday as well. I got out of bed to do errands with Norm, but stayed in the car most of the time. I was up and at 'em by Wednesday, and saw Dr Carr on Thursday (those details are in the previous post).

Sunday April 26

Victoria had a soccer tournament on Salt Spring Island this last weekend. Norm took her for the Saturday games, and the family plus Grandma came on Sunday. She played so well! What a tough girl. Victoria really took a beating on Saturday, doing a crash onto her shoulder and getting kicked in the shin. She can get up from a fall faster than anyone I know and is able to beat the person who caused the fall to the ball. Their team was playing up a year, so all these girls had already hit their growth spurt. Vitoria has not - she is small for 11. A lot of girls from the other team are already 13 and very big. That did not matter to my small, quick daughter. Her team played two games on Sunday morning and we were able to explore the Salt Spring fro the afternoon. Another gorgeous place, but expensive. At the farmer's market, someone was asking $18 for a loaf of lemon poppy seed bread. Crazy. It's an island populated by both hippies and the wealthy. Since we don't fall into either of those categories, we will visit again, but could never live there. 18 bucks for a loaf of bread- can you imagine the house prices? We walked along the waterfront, near Ganges, and vowed to come back with our boat to tour through the Gulf Islands. It's a beautiful area. Here's a link if you want to see what I'm talking about: http://maps.google.com/maps?t=h&hl=en&ie=UTF8&ll=48.862633,-123.49288&spn=0.039356,0.111237&z=14

And some pictures:

On the ferry, heading toward Vesuvius, Salt Spring.

Looking East from Ganges Harbour

Monday, April 27

A very nice weekend, and back to business on Monday. Victoria felt that she didn't get enough exercise over the weekend, so she and a friend, along with Norm and Rosalie, rode their bikes to school, a distance o about 7 km. They also rode back the long way, another 12 kms, then she had soccer practice that evening. By then, she was tired.

Tuesday April 28

I had my mammogram yesterday. They did both breasts, and next week, I will have an ultrasound only of my unaffected breast - the left one. I have a bad feeling about the mammogram. I peaked over to the screen and I swear I saw a lump. The images of both breast were up, so I don't know what I was looking at. The technician asked me a couple questions that made me think, uh, what's up now. Maybe it's just scar tissue, I don't know, but I'm not going to get all crazy about it yet. Dr. Carr will phone if there's anything, and so far the phone has not rung. My ultrasound is next Thursday, so all will be revealed by then. In the meantime, I am going to see the cardiologist in Victoria today for him to go over the previous tests I had on the 26th of March. I am looking forward to a nice drive with Wanda, and a visit with Joelle and Claire.

That's all for now. Cheerio.

treatment #4 - updated version

Tuesday 24 March, 2009

All went well the my 4th treatment yesterday. Prior to the treatment, I had a PICC line (a peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC or PIC line) is a form of intravenous access that can be used for a prolonged period of time) inserted because of the problems they had getting my vein last treatment.

This time, I had Victoria, her friend Caitlyn, and Wanda come with me. I'll write more tomorrow night.

I am off to Victoria tomorrow for an appointment with the cardiologist, and two tests - an ECG and an echo cardiogram.

I would love to show you some pictures, but I think my anti-virus is keeping from doing this. I'll look into that later.

Cheers,
Jackie

Monday, March 30, 2009

Did I say I would write more on Wednesday night? Ha, I guess that did not happen. What a week I have had. I have to catch you up on all that's happened, and there has been plenty. Firstly, let's begin with last Monday and the pre-chemo doctor's appointment. It all happened so fast - first I was sitting in his office, mentioning that I did not like getting poked 5 times to get my IV in, and can I do something about it. I thought he would suggest that I drink more water or take a vitamin or some other equally simple solution. No, he says that we could put in a PICC line. I had heard of one before, but didn't really want one. One more reminder if the sickie I have become, I guess. Anyway, the decision was made for me to get the line inserted on Tuesday, right before chemo. OK, well, can I think about it, please. Did I mention that I'm quite a chicken? Did I also mention that I like to research things to death and you aren't giving me enough time?

What a horror show to get the darn thing. Wanda, Caitlyn, and Victoria waited in the hall for what was supposed to take 5 - 10 minutes, but took 45 minutes. Another 4 pokes later and my arm is a mess. They could find the vein and could insert the nedle, but could not get the line in the vein. After three tries, the suggestion was made to try it in another place without freezing the site first. Oh, why not? Ouchy, but it worked. I am now the proud owner of a PICC line.

The actual chemo procedure went very well. We played cards - a french game we all played when I was a kid (thinking of you, Dad) called "Mille Bornes". Who can forget "coup-fourré? Lucas had made some goodies over the weekend for me to take with me, and the girls had fun offering them around. "My brother made these, and he's 13." Sisterly pride, very cute. My appointment was later in the day than it usually is, and I finished around 4:00 pm. Norm came by to pick us up (Wanda had to dash off to work) and home we went. It was a long day, so we decided to skip Girl Guides and just stay home to chill.

Wednesday was another busy day. There was popcorn day at the school, then back to the hospital for a dressing change on the PICC, then to school again for a PAC meeting. Luckily, it was a short meeting. I was home by 8:30 and all ready for a day in Victoria.

Thursday morning, I dropped off Lucas at Diana's house at 7:30 am for piano lessons, then picked up Wanda for our journey to Victoria. It was quite a pleasant day. We got there in plenty of time for the 10:30 ECG appointment, which was followed by the cardiologist's appointment. One comment I have to make about the ECG tech is that she refused to give me a blanket or a gown. I asked for a gown, and she said she didn't have any, then I asked for a blanket and she told me that it was only her and I in the room. Some people. The cardiologist, Dr. Higginson, and his resident were fantastic. They both were very kind, thorough and open to questions. I left there feeling that all was not lost. My heart will go on - sorry, I couldn't help myself. The ECG looked fine and that there is every reason to see my heart return to it's previous function. They asked me many questions about any symptoms I might have, and I really don't have any. That was all very encouraging. We had time for a quick bite to eat, the off to the echo appointment. Thankfully, all these appointments were in the hospital - no running around. That test was a breeze, and I did get to cover up. It's an ultrasound of the heart, so while the tech was doing her thing, she asked me if I had a pacemaker. No, I told her. A catheter maybe? Oh, yes, my PICC. She told me she could see it on the monitor. I asked her why, if she were looking at the bottom of my heart (would that be the ventricle?) can you see something that's resting on the top (atrium) of my heart? It has moved down into the heart, she said. Yikes. That does not sound good. Nothing to do about it now. I was done by 1:40, and we were ready to shop. Wanda and I picked up a couple things and escaped rush hour (not something we normally have to contend with here) and were on the road home by 3:00 pm.

Lunch - oh yes, we need to eat. I had heard about a great restaurant in Duncan (half way home) called Bistro 161. It's downtown somewhere, but I needed directions. I remembered my new favourite thing - "Google 411" and called to get directions. For those of you who don't know about Google 411, it's wonderful and free. Simply dial 1-800-GOOG-411 and ask for the business in question. They will connect you and give you the address. Super, easy and very useful. I got out my cell and dialed. I was connected to Bistro 161 and the lady who answered the phone gave me lovely directions. A bit confusing, but I managed to follow them. I mentioned to her that we were on our way from Victoria and had heard about her great restaurant and would like to stop by for a late lunch. We're on Trunk Road and would be there any minute. My stomach started to rumble. We found a parking spot out front and walked through the vined archway. Wanda noticed the sign on the side of the building that stated the hours: 11:00 am - 3:00 pm and 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm. It was 3:40. Uh oh. "I'm sure that's an old sign. They must be open, I just spoke to the lady". We walked in , saw one other couple dining, and the hostess walked up to me and said, "Sorry, we're closed." "But, but, I just called you and you gave me directions." Laughing at another example of silly people, we ate at the local chicken place and came home.

I needed to stop by the Nanaimo hospital to get my dressing changed - the PICC was bleeding quite a bit and I wanted someone to look at it. As I was sitting in my chair, I told the nurse about what the ultrasound tech said. The nurse pulled up my file and looked at my results from today and decided to pull out the line by a couple of centimetres. Very good. I am impressed by how the system works. I just walked in the door at 7:30 pm when Dr. Dunne called and told me that the ultrasound tech called the cardiologist who called the oncologist who called him about the problem with my travelling PICC line. Boy are they efficient. I let him know that Medical Daycare already pulled the line back by a couple of centimeters, but he wanted it another 2 cm. He made me an appointment for Friday.


Friday - what's on the calendar? Can I sit down yet? Pizza lunch at school, an interview with the school advisor, and then to the hospital to get my PICC moved. All good. I got to the hospital around 2:00 and they were ready for me. In fact, they had been talking about me. "Did Dr. Matsuo do your PICC? He was telling us about this super hard line he had to put in. Judging by the bruising on your arm, it must have been you." They put me on the table under the imaging camera to see where the line had moved to. They pulled up another couple cms and I'm out of there. Easy peasy.

Friday night was mother-daughter night at Wanda's house. We ate pizza and watched "Twilight". I slept through the whole thing. At least I didn't snore, or they said I didn't. Either way, I'm happy!

On Saturday, I slept in until 7:30. Yeah. Victoria slept at Caitlyn's and they took her to her babysitting course first thing in the morning. Evelynne was at a sleepover, and Rosalie was at Girl Guide camp (which I was supposed to be at). Norm picked up Evelynne, sold donuts with her at Wal Mart, I dropped off Lucas at a friend's house, then nothing for a few hours. Phone rings. It's Victoria. Are you coming to get me? The class finished at 3:30. Oops - I thought it was 5:00. Bad mom moment, again. Kanon's Dad gets on the phone and offers to drive Victoria home. Thank you. Kanon stays over night and in the meantime I have made delicious "Surprise Buns" for Rosalie's soccer party. By this time, I am feeling less than 100%. We go to the party, but I am so tired.

The wind on Saturday night was so wild. I thought our house was going to lift off. I felt like Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz. I hardly slept at all. On Sunday morning I woke up feeling crappy. The muscles in my chest and back ached, my heart was kerthumping along, and I was tired. I lay in bed all morning long. I have not done that since my first treatment. Feeling a bit better, I dragged myself to the Gardner's house for a spring BBQ. What could be better that hamburgers on a grill, salad and roasted marshmallows. I felt like I was on the way back.

This morning, I woke up feeling like myself. I took a nice shower with my new shower gel, and feel like a million bucks. Norm's been working like a slave cleaning house and now we are off to do some errands. First stop - the hospital to get my PICC flushed. Man, I'm getting sick of that place.

As soon as I figure out how to post pictures on this new computer, I will get some up. Maybe even some of me, posing as a Chia Pet. Oh yeah - I had to shave my armpits this morning. Isn't that great?

All right, here are they are:

Victoria, me, Caitlyn at our best

and again

Victoria and I

handing out the goodies

Chris, Caitlyn, and Victoria with Lucas' delicious cinnamon loaf

my fancy new PICC line

passing the time

treatment #3

27 February:

After the first two uneventful treatments, this one was completely different. First of all, it took 3 nurses a total of 5 tries to get my IV in. Nice veins, but they could get it to "hook". I don't know, but it was starting to hurt a bit. I actually started to feel a bit light-headed. They ended up giving me adavan to relax me.  

Once everything was running, they took my blood pressure - 98/56. Her eyes popped, but I told her that's normal for me. Nevertheless, she gave me extra fluid and kept checking on me. 

Then of all things, I developed an allergic reaction to the last drug, one that I had had twice before. My throat swelled up a bit and my lips tingled. The doctor came to see me and ordered some hydrocortisone. 

We there from 9:30 to 12:15 and were happy to escape for some lunch. Lucas, Mom and I went to my favourite Vietnamese restaurant and had a nice lunch. I'm sure if I lay down I would fall asleep, but I don't want to/can't. I have my little Evelynne playing in the snow. It's nothing but much right now, I am sure it will melt by tomorrow morning, and her snow fun will be gone for another year (I am secretly wishing for this), so I will let her play as long as she wants.  

Now the countdown is on. I have finished three treatments and have three to go. 

On a personal note, Norm just today lost an uncle to lung cancer. He was 89 years old. He kept it hidden from all but his children, so no one knew until the other day that he was even sick. Now he's gone. My own father has just been given 4 - 6 weeks left. He found out he has pancreatic cancer in September, and was hoping that chemo would give him some quality of life. He really wanted to make it to the summer.  Dad had a very rough life, but finally settled down, met the right person, and was happy. He turned 65 last July and was so looking forward to a retired life on his little ranch with Bonnie and the animals. What could be better than that? 

It's a tough time for our family right now. Evelynne just walked in and asked why I'm crying, so I told her that Popa's time is getting shorter. She gave me a hug and asked "why is Popa going to die and you're not". I don't know honey. I whispered to myself - who knows, maybe I will. Loudly I said, Momma is very healthy and doesn't smoke or drink, and is doing everything to fight this cancer. Believe it. 

I leave you with two lovely photos, taken yesterday after our crazy snow fall. 

I love the colours of the sky and the ocean, taken from our deck. 

Hershey has a riot in the snow. 

You see how my deck chairs were all set up for the sunny weather we had been having. 

I am not too impressed, but it's all good for the dog and the kids. 

another treatment

I went for my MUGA scan (they inject me with a radioactive isotope and see how my heart pumps the blood) yesterday and saw the doctor today. The scan did show a a significant decrease (25%) in heart function. There is hope I can recover the loss over time (I guess so - who do they think they are talking about anyway?). 

In any case, I have to switch treatments to a less toxic one. Now instead of Epirubicin, I will have Methotrexate. The other two drugs (Cyclophosphamide and Fluorocil) remain the same. 1 - 1.5% of the people on Epirubicin will experience a decrease in heart function, and I am lucky enough to fall into that category.  

There won't be much of a change - I will have my last four treatments of CMF instead of FEC, and will still finish at the beginning of May. One good thing is that Methotrexate does not cause total hair loss. 

I'm picking up Mom this afternoon and she's spending the weekend with me. She's coming with me to my treatment tomorrow along with Lucas. I see a morning of "Crazy 8 Countdown" in my very near future. 

On a side note, it snowed like crazy yesterday afternoon and evening. 43 cm (17 inches) of snow fell on us in a very short amount of time. School was cancelled - yeah. Go ahead and make fun of us, but honestly, no one can drive around here. Norm picked up Lucas from church last night and he saw a taxi making a u-turn in the middle of traffic, people backing up, and others passing on the wrong side of the road. It's chaos. Plus, it takes forever for the city to send out the snow plows. Norm had to come home from work to take me to the doctor this morning because our lane was not plowed. The snow was so deep that there's no way the van could get through. It is a joke. I thought spring was here. What is going on? It's February 26th for Pete's sake. I was getting used to the smell of hyacinth in the air. Now the poor things have been crushed under a mound of white stuff. 

Here are some pictures of what Nanaimo looked like last Wednesday, before the snow. I took these on my way home from taking Lucas to skating in the morning. The first two were taken at Departure Bay and the last two were taken at Piper's Lagoon. 

 

more waiting

Lately I have been feeling like I'm just waiting around to get better. I should have gone back to work in November, once my ankle was healed, and then, bang - you know that story. My surgeon recommended not working through treatment, so I accepted his advice. As it turns out, I have been feeling fine, so I probably could be working right now, but who would hire a bald me? I have been keeping busy with volunteering for the school, but I am getting anxious to be doing something. Now, it turns out that I will be doing even more waiting. 

I saw the doctor at the cancer centre today, as I do before every treatment. My blood work is great - he said that I must have very healthy bone marrow. The nausea was so much better this time. I just got a bit off track with the medication and suffered for it the last half of the weekend. The only concern I expressed was the swelling of my ankles. That started the Tuesday and progressed to my legs and then my midsection. It lasted a couple days, and aside from causing me a lack of sleep (from having to go to the bathroom all night long), there was nothing more to it. Wrong. Dr. Dunne does not think that's a very common side effect and wonders if there is a problem with my heart function. He listened to my heart, which does do the flippy-floppy thing, and was concerned enough to get me a cardiograph appointment right away. I didn't have to leave the appointment room. The tech came right to me.  "Are you feeling all right, dear?", she asked. "Can you walk to the table?" Yes - I'm fine. No, I don't feel sick. Geesh. Leave me alone. I wish I hadn't said anything. I passed that test but the doctor wanted to place a call to the oncologist in Victoria to see how she wanted to proceed. I received the phone call a couple hours after leaving the centre that I'll be having my MUGA scan next Wednesday, and so my chemo will have to be postponed. Imagine feeling upset to not get to go to something you don't want in the first place. Now I get to see Victoria being presented with an award at school, I can go to pizza lunch at school, I can drive Victoria to the airport, and I can volunteer at the Maple Sugar Festival on the weekend. Still, I am not happy. I want to keep on schedule and be finished at the end of April. More waiting.

Spring is here. Now I just want summer to hurry. I am picturing my family on our favourite camping beach. We will be swimming and having fun, and I will be healthy. 

treatment #2

30 January, Friday

Rosalie joined Wanda and I for my second treatment. I am really glad she came along. I hope that by being with me, Rosalie saw that chemo is not such a scary thing. Margie was very patient and kind, explaining to Rosalie how the needle went in, how the IV is started, and that it hurt as much as a bee sting (much less than that, in my opinion - I hate bee stings!). Certainly, if nothing else, Rosalie brightened up the place. She can always make people smile. She saw that the treatment room was full of regular looking people, all passing their time in different ways. Some people had visitors, some read,and some watched a movie. We chose to play a game, while we waited for the medicine to drip. Rosalie came out the champion land owner in Settlers of Catan. We had a good time.

Rosalie and I, getting comfy

Margie, explaining to Rosalie how the IV would go in Mommy


Getting ready for Mom's turn. It's not so bad, honey, really.

The first day went remarkably well - much better than the last time, thanks to some very expensive anti-nausea meds (aprepitant). I took a capsule in the morning before treatment began, then one capsule on days 2 and 3. It's amazing the difference those little things made. They made my weekend quite bearable. I was able to attend Lucas' skating competition in Campbell River that evening, which I had been all psyched up to miss). Yeah! Below is a picture of Lucas and Linda, who joined us at the rink. It was wonderful to get in a visit - it's such a long time until camping season starts!

31 January, Saturday

I am still feeling great on Saturday. We went to the airport to pick up our new student, another piano-playing Lucas. This young man is from São Paulo, Brazil. He is very nice, soft-spoken and artistic. I am sure he will be a good addition to our family.

All day Saturday I feel good - so good I forgot to take all my anti-nausea pills. Big oops. By 10:00 pm, I start to feel yucky, remember that I haven't taken all the pills, and by then, it's too late. Once that feeling sets in, it's hard to get control again.

1 February, Sunday

I really don't feel well on Sunday, but still nothing like I felt after the last treatment. I missed Victoria's soccer game, but did manage to take Bruno to the airport for his flight home. We will miss that fun-loving boy.

2 February, Monday

Norm had the day off - what a treat! We took one look at the kitchen counter and knew what we had to accomplish that day - return all the casserole dishes, cake pans, slow cookers, cookie tins and pots! What a task, but it was worth it. On Thursday, Suzanne brought us over a spicy pulled-beef and buns - so delicious, with a bit of kick. Friday, we were at the competition, so had dinner out. Saturday, Trish and Todd brought us over an entire meal of yummy meatballs and pasta, salad and cookies. That was very tasty, and just the right amount for 9 people! On Sunday, Joanne took Rosalie for the day and had time to make us a delicious blackberry cake. Hmmh- I can't wait to make that myself. Thank you everyone.

I still didn't feel that great, and kept falling asleep in the van between errands, but at least I was out and not laying in bed.

Oh no, one more dish to return - we ate Wanda's Shepherd's Pie that night. It was so good - the best Shepheard's Pie I have ever eaten. (I hope you don't read this, Norm).

3 February, Tuesday

I noticed some swelling in my ankles, a side effect from the fluoroucil I guess. I felt generally crummy. My stomach hurt and I was just not myself. By the evening, the swelling had moved up my legs and my mid-section. Luckily I did not have to cook again! Claire came over with a dish called Solyanka that was extremely good. It was made with potatoes, carrots, cabbage, caraway seeds and cottage cheese. Claire threw in some slices of ham sausage, though the dish is supposed to be vegetarian, and yes, my kids ate it. They loved it and not even a blink of an eye at the seeds! I will post that recipe for sure.

4 February, Wedneseday

Well, the flood gates must have opened during the night because I got up nine times to use the bathroom. That is more than once an hour if you care to calculate it. Needless to say, I was kind of pooped on Wednesday, but my ankles were not quite as swollen as they were before.

I took Wanda out for her birthday lunch. She turned @( on Saturday. We went to Gina's Mexican cafe and I had a shrimp enchilada and some of Wanda's lunch, too. After lunch, we enjoyed a nice walk downtown in the sun. It was a balmy 9°C here in Nanaimo. Is spring here already? I hope so.

I started to feel much better Wednesday, basically back to normal. I made a lovely beef stew with rosemary, thyme, green peppers, and bacon. The family thought it was great. Lucas came home from skating famished, took the lid off the post and said, "Wow, this smells great Mom. Who made it for us?" Yeah - I do know how to cook, but apparently they forgot!

5 February, Thursday

The sun is still shining and the day is looking promising. The dog needs a walk and that is a good thing.

Don't forget to send me your photos and recipes. I know I have more than 8 friends out there.

a freak-out and a prayer

Tomorrow is the big day. Yikes. I begin my chemo at 11:00 Friday morning. I feel calm. Now. I didn't feel that way yesterday. Friends, family, prayers and hugs - that's what getting me through it. I had lunch with Lis and Wanda yesterday and we laughed - thank you for that. We decided that women friends are so important. Men are ...men. I've got a good one, that's for sure - the best, without a doubt. Norm has dedicated himself to his family and loves us with all his heart. He's just not a touchy-feely kind of guy. Neither am I for that matter. Maybe that will be the main benefit of this horrible time. Maybe at the end of of this, our family will be better in touch of our feelings. Maybe I will be a nicer person. I certainly hope I can be as good a friend to others as you all have been to me. I would like to share a prayer that Jillayne sent me. She prayed for me via email - isn't that cool? 

Dear Heavenly Father~

I thank you, again, this day for my sister in Christ~ Jackie, and for the friendship I have come to cherish over the last 30 years.  I come to you this late hour  of the day to lift Jackie and her health challenges up once again to you.   I pray you will show her your tender but mighty love, that you will keep her close to you, guide her, encourage her, give her courage and wisdom; give her hope during the moments that she may feel down or discouraged and give her a peace that surpasses all understanding- your peace.  May you be the  peace in the midst of the uncertainty right now for Jackie and her family.  This being the uncertainty of the new found breast cancer and the newness of the treatment that is planned for January.  And I pray, Lord, that you will hold her with your arms tightly around her and may you give her cause to feel your presence close to her during the days and nights ahead.  And Lord, I pray for Norm and her precious children, as well, that they may know your love and presence in their lives and that they may be confident and know that without a doubt that you are the great physician and that you have Jackie in your care.  Lord, I pray for a great and mighty healing in Jackie’s body and that you might restore her health to that of strength and wellness.  We thank you for your provision today.  As well,   We thank you for what you have done for Jackie, for what you are doing for Jackie and for what you will do for Ja ckie in the days ahead. We wait upon you, O Lord, again this night. 

 We ask these things in the name of Christ~  Amen

Think of Wanda tomorrow morning. She will be loosing to me at crib. Feel sorry for her, not for me. 

first appointment at the Cancer Clinic in Victoria

I saw the oncologist in Victoria yesterday to go over my treatment regimen and schedule. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it all confirmed, since they are still waiting for the result of one portion of the biopsy. However, I do know that I will be starting after Christmas. The treatment plan will either be:

FEC:

F	Fluorouracil
E	Epirubicin
C	Cyclophosphamide

Or ACTT:

A	Doxorubicin (ADRIAMYCIN)
C	Cyclophosphamide
T	Trastuzumab (HERCEPTIN)
T	Paclitaxel (TAXOL)

The first treatment is for if I am HER-2/neu negative. It will be once per day for every three weeks for 18 weeks, then Tamoxifen daily for 5 years.

The second treatment is for if I am HER-2/neu positive. It will be 8 cycles (3 weeks/cycle), followed by 13 cycles of Herceptin, then Tamoxifen daily for 5 years.

The doctor should let me know this week which one I will receive. 

As I was writing this, the Cancer Clinic in Nanaimo called to give me my first appointment. I have to see the clinic here for the initial consultation and blood work on January 8th. The next day, I receive my first round of chemo. Yikes. There's no time wasted with this system. A person can't even hide out and pretend everything is OK. If I start on the 9th of January, that means bye-bye hair around the 19th. The kids and I are heading to Victoria on January 5th to the wig place at the cancer clinic to try on some new hair styles.I wish I could back up time by a few months. No, wait. I don't want to do that. I'd hate to go through all this again. No thanks. Let's just get going.