Still here

I have been living with metastatic breast cancer for almost a year and a half. Since December 24, 2014, I have sat in the chemo chair 35 times. I have a regular spot in the chemo room. I know all my nurses and they know me. They ask after my family. They remind me if I forget something or if I deviate from my regular routine. I am grateful for the care my doctors and nurses give me. I feel valued and loved.

However, there is life outside of the chemo chair!! I am working, travelling and doing everyday stuff. Luckily I feel quite well so I try to do as much as I can and make the most of my days. Susan Anthony, a woman I know who is also living with metastatic breast cancer said, “I kind of feel like I’m living in dog years. I have to pack more life into every day and not waste a day. You understand that life is precious so I try and make the best of it.” That is how I feel. There is not a minute to waste. 

I have many supports in my life, especially my husband, my children, my mom, my sisters, my cousin and my friends. My book club and I went away for the weekend to a spa resort where we spent time together drinking wine, talking, laughing and hanging in our pajamas. We had read a book some time ago called Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish. The storyline is that a group of friends goes on a road trip to celebrate the life of a woman they love, but they go on this trip after the woman had passed. We all thought that the trip would have been better if they had gone on the trip before the friend died. When I got sick, the idea was hatched that our book club would go on our own trip while I'm still well. Celebrate the moment; that's what we did. Love every day.  

I want cancer out of my life, my family and my community.

Relay For Life is a an event that could change your life. There will be laughter and fun, joy and sorrow, but mostly, conviction that cancer can be kicked out of our lives and communities if we act together.


What is it like? It’s difficult to describe and better to experience first hand. But I can tell you it’s an opportunity to get together with family and friends to CELEBRATE cancer survivors, REMEMBER the cherished ones we have lost and honour those currently on their cancer journey, and, importantly, to FIGHT BACK together. 


It’s not an athletic event, but a fun, non-competitive, community gathering over twelve or more hours. Teams of ten or more people take turns walking or running laps around a track. Each team has at least one member on the track at all times.


I hope you can join my team, help fundraise and commit to a memorable twelve or more hours. 


Remember that every step we take in Relay For Life will help the Canadian Cancer Society save lives, prevent cancer and deliver support to people living with cancer. 


Need information? Visit www.cancer.ca or call 1.888.939.3333


Follow this link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Canadian Cancer Society - BC and Yukon Division

Cancerversary - It's been two years

Two years ago today I found out I had breast cancer. I woke up this morning wondering why I would want to remember such a terrible day. I wish I could celebrate the day I was cured of cancer, but the problem is, I don't know that I am cured. No one will say I'm cured for another three years. For now, I will celebrate the day of my diagnosis, because on that day, my treatment began. Once the diagnosis was confirmed, steps could be taken to get rid of the cancer. November 11, 2008 is the day I knew for sure what was wrong. I began to be aware of my health, and specifically, of cancer.

Knowledge and awareness are the first steps in tackling a problem. A cure, a fix will come later. Today I celebrate knowledge, and I am reassured that it saved my life. Ignorance would have been nice, for awhile, until death. Knowing my diagnosis sent me down the right path, the one to life. 

It has been a very challenging two years. My thanks to my family, friends, and my to health professionals for all your support, time, caring, and patience. In trying to think of other ways to say "thank you", I thought of, "You make my life so much easier". I'll just shorten that to, "You make my life".   

I've been busy being OK

It's October already. It's not even the beginning of October, but the middle. It's almost Halloween. I've actually seen some Christmas lights in the neighbourhood. My summer was fantastic, after all the surgeries, I guess anything would classify as fantastic. We did lots of camping, of course, and then came September.

We all started back at school this year, me included. I always felt left out when everyone got new pencils and notebooks, so I decided to take a course. I registered for the School and Community Support Worker Program in March, and I am loving it. There's a lot of work involved - lots of reading and essays. That's why I am writing in the blog now. It's because I have three assignments due, and I love to procrastinate. The last time I was in University, I baked when I was avoiding work. Now I play the piano. I've actually become quite good!

It's a two year program, part-time, and most of the courses are in the evening. There are two practicums; one is community-based, and the other is school-based. I've signed up with a residential drug treatment facility for January, and I'm really looking forward to the experience. I am so happy to finally be doing something with my life. Of course I'm glad that I have a life to do something with. I feel well and it feels good to be on the path of normalcy.

I've still got another surgery in January to replace my tissue expander and put in a permanent implant. Apparently, it's a fairly simple procedure. After that, a nip and tuck to equalize things, and I should be ready to party. Other news to make me smile is I have had my last appointment with my cardiologist. I was seeing him for two reasons, one is that my heart function became impaired during my chemo treatment, and the other reason was for an irregular heart beat. This bigeminy (the heart alternates a regular beat with a premature beat) was discovered during my partial mastectomy, back in November 2008. It hasn't caused me any concern, and the belief was that it would be with me for the rest of my life. Not so. My function is back and my heart beats the way it should. I've got a regular ticker now. Picture me with more grey hair, 20 pounds overweight, still lopsided up top, but normal, good, in fact - great. 

It's coming up to my two-year cancerversary  (November 11), and I'm very thankful for every day I have. Our family just participated in the Run For the Cure at the beginning of October, and we shared a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner with Wanda and her family. These are beautiful days.

I'm a Rad Grad

Yesterday was my last day of radiation. I travelled four hours daily for 28 treatments. I actually looked forward to my time spent in the van. The fellow passengers and the drivers became part of my support network. The radiation therapists were all fabulous. so were the doctors and nurses. I have continued to feel for the first five weeks. I wasn't tired, and my skin remained healthy and pink. During the last week however, I did start to suffer. A couple places turned an angry red colour, then black, then the skin started peeling away. Not nice and a bit painful, but manageable. I've got an assortment of creams and ointments to repair the damage. All in all, the experience was a positive one, but I'm still glad to be done.

I lay in bed this morning listening to the kids getting ready for school. I finally got up around 8:00 am to make their lunches, then drove them to school. I've returned to a quiet house; it's just the dog and me. I'm going to spend today in a comfy t-shirt and no bra. I'm going to drink coffee and read my book (Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon). I'm hoping to finish it before I meet "herself" tomorrow!! Imagine meeting DG in the flesh! For a book lover, to meet one's favourite author is quite the celebration, and I have lots to celebrate.

Strength

"Strength does not come from physical capacity.
It comes from an indomitable will."

Mahatma Gandhi

The healing trip

Our family was camping from July 4 to August 9.We had no electricity, no showers, and no cell phone service. We had to hand pump our water, drive an hour to town to the laundromat, and the only toilet was an outhouse. While we were there, there was an intense electrical storm, a forest fire and a heat wave. It was the exactly the holiday I needed. I had a wonderful time. During the week, it was just the girls and I. We read, swam, played board games, and walked. The girls played in the woods and on the beach. We had many visitors who camped with us and had fun hanging out with them. On the weekends, Norm and Lucas came up, and we took the boat out.

It was the holiday I had been dreaming about throughout the spring. While I sat in the chemo chair, I pictured myself on the beach at Buttle Lake, reading my book. A lot of things have gotten me this far: the support of my family and friends and the excellent medical care being the main things. However, a positive frame of mind and a faith in God has to play into the healing. I have maintained a good outlook thus far, not because of any conscious effort, but simply because there is no other sensible way to think. I am grateful that I have cancer in 2009 and not in 1989. I so lucky that when Norm lost his job last May that he was able to find a job here instead of us having to relocate.

Over the five weeks we were there, six families camped with us. No one's visit overlapped with anyone else. We had time in between to hang out alone. Linda and Dave took great care of us while we were there. My Mom stayed at the house with Lucas so he could skate. The Gardner's took in my boy when my Mom went home. My wonderful husband made it all possible. He worked while we played, and he drove 2 hours every weekend to see us. Thank you to all of you who gave me the gifts of peace, enjoyment, and friendship this summer.

Prairie Women on Snowmobiles

My friend Vivian sent me a gift box yesterday, including this pin. Viv was interviewing the group for a newspaper article as they stopped in her town on their '09 tour. Viv told them about me and the ladies gave her a pin to send to me. A parcel arrived for me yesterday, straight from Viv's cattle farm in Saskatchewan. Check out the cute picture she sent me of her children, taken a few years ago. 

I am impressed with what people will do to show their support for a cause. I guess if there are women who will ride 1800 km on a snowmobile, I need to consider joining a dragon boat team or the CIBC walk for the cure. After all, I cannot use our weather as an excuse. 

See below for more information on "Prairie Women on Snowmobiles". 

Thanks Viv, for the parcel. In the last couple days I received a tasty looking jar of soup mix and two cards. You guys have to stop being so nice to me. I'm getting spoiled. Aah, keep going, it's much appreciated. You know what, though? You all are teaching me so much about how to be a good friend. I am good with being nice to people as a group. I volunteer for things - the school, Girl Guides, the soccer team - that sort of thing, but to be a true friend, as you all have been to me, well, I'm learning. Thank you.

Prairie Women on Snowmobiles is a non-profit organization whose annual Missions are provincial awareness events that are designed to focus attention on breast cancer and the recreation of snowmobiling as well as raise the much-needed funds for breast cancer research. PWOS has contributed 100% of the funds raised in the past eight Missions for research raising more than ONE MILLION DOLLARS to date.

Each Mission consists of a group of 10 women volunteer snowmobilers who travel across Saskatchewan, passing through many cities and towns in eight days and covering approximately 1800 kms. Volunteerism is the whole picture of PWOS ladies dedicating their time, resources, and sleds to help make the Missions so successful.

Prairie Women on Snowmobiles was formed when two friends, one a breast cancer survivor, asked her friend to snowmobile across Saskatchewan to raise funds for breast cancer research. Together the two planned, organized and implemented PWOS. The goal since conception is to have this Mission go across Saskatchewan each and every year to raise the funding for breast cancer research.

Breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in Canadian women and the second most common cause of cancer death in women.

You do not have to ride a snowmobile or even own one to be a member! If you want to support PWOS you are welcome to join.

For further information on becoming a member, rider or volunteer call 1-306-338-2860 or 1-306-338-7958.http://www.prairiewomen.ca/index.html

amendment - since you all are so nice and want to help...

see below for the third request

WOW! The comments and emails are so great. Thank you. I am addicted to my blog. I run over to the computer all the time to see what new and cheery comment someone has left. 

I'm back to normal today. All that's bothering is the skin on my face. Does anyone know what cream I can use? I have tried Lubriderm and Uremol and both sting like crazy. I've coated my face with vaseline, which feels fine, but has a greasy look, as you can imagine. 

So many of you have offered to help that I would like to give you something to do. Call it a "Friendship Registry", if you will. You know how it is when you get married? You make a list and people actually buy you the items for which you ask? Well, I guess I have certain rights now and I am going to ask for a few things. 

First, I would like each of you to email meyour very favourite recipe. I will post them for everyone to enjoy. I love to cook and to try new stuff. If you are close by, you can make up a meal and bring it over. Spicy, exotic, homestyle, or take out, we are not fussy at all (Christa, how about Swiss Chalet?). If you are far away, remember that Canada Post will deliver almost anything. I have even had cookies sent to me from Brazil. They took awhile to get here, but they were still very yummy. 

Secondly, I would like a picture of everyone who reads this. Just get someone to snap a photo of you and send it to me. Let me know if you're OK with me making a collage of all my friends to post here. I would love to see you all, everyday. 

Thirdly, I think that if I'm going to go through chemo and all the crummy side effects, then you guys should have to do something too. So, here's what I would like - Choose something that you would like to do in order to improve your life. I know that some of you have already told me of changes you are making that will lead to improve your health - a new yoga class, walking every day on the treadmill, but it could be anything. Maybe you will go back to school, make contact with a long-lost friend, or improve your relationship with your children. Choose something that you will be able to look back on years from now and be glad that you did it. Choose something that will make your life better and make you happier. You can share it with me, or not, but in May, when I'm finished chemo, I hope that all of you will be smiling, for me, and for yourselves.

Thank you again for putting up with my bad mood.

Oh yeah - Happy Rabbie Burns Day. After watching Rosalie's and Evelynne's soccer games (both won, scoring a goal a piece), we went downtown to a specialty foods shop and tried some haggis. Here's a fitting poem by "The Bard". Just replace "toothache" with "cancer"!

Address To The Toothache

My curse upon your venom'd stang,
That shoots my tortur'd gums alang,
An' thro' my lug gies mony a twang,
Wi' gnawing vengeance,
Tearing my nerves wi' bitter pang,
Like racking engines!

When fevers burn, or argues freezes,
Rheumatics gnaw, or colics squeezes,
Our neibor's sympathy can ease us,
Wi' pitying moan;
But thee-thou hell o' a' diseases-
Aye mocks our groan.

Adown my beard the slavers trickle
I throw the wee stools o'er the mickle,
While round the fire the giglets keckle,
To see me loup,
While, raving mad, I wish a heckle
Were in their doup!

In a' the numerous human dools,
Ill hairsts, daft bargains, cutty stools,
Or worthy frien's rak'd i' the mools, -
Sad sight to see!
The tricks o' knaves, or fash o'fools,
Thou bear'st the gree!

Where'er that place be priests ca' hell,
Where a' the tones o' misery yell,
An' ranked plagues their numbers tell,
In dreadfu' raw,
Thou, Toothache, surely bear'st the bell,
Amang them a'!

O thou grim, mischief-making chiel,
That gars the notes o' discord squeel,
Till daft mankind aft dance a reel
In gore, a shoe-thick,
Gie a' the faes o' Scotland's weal
A townmond's toothache!

what my kids did for me

Many of you know the kind of things my kids do for me around the house - nice things without being asked, like washing the windows, cleaning the van, chopping and sorting firewood, or spring cleaning the playroom. They don't have specific chores to do around the house aside from keeping their rooms tidy and helping with dinner, but very often, they surprise me by doing huge jobs. Today when I came home from errands with Rosalie and Lucas, Victoria and Evelynne had turned the kitchen into a beautiful tea party. The counters had been completely de-cluttered, all the dishes were washed, the table was set with a lovely tablecloth, my fancy tea cups, and candles (which they shouldn't have lit without me being home!). The girls themselves were dressed up in white shirts, ties and black pants. They even had a vase on the table with paper flowers they had made. Rosalie and I walked into the kitchen, dumbfounded. It was amazing.